Going Solo

Going Solo has been one of the biggest decisions I have made in my life. One that has been on my mind since my mid 20’s, that has taken months of research and careful consideration.

From a young age I knew I wanted to be a mum. I was that teenager that always had a boyfriend (usually older than me by a few years), I thought once I finished university I would get married and start a family by the time I was 26, but then I experienced life. I graduated from my first degree, moved to Sydney and then started travelling the world. I loved my independence and not being tied down. I could go work overseas and travel whenever I wanted, so I did. I went back to university and studied some more, this is when I started to think about going solo. The older I got the more I realised that finding ‘the one’ might not happen and I told myself that if I didn’t meet someone by the time I was 30 then I would would look into starting a family on my own. I had never heard of the term Single Mum by choice, I didn’t know much about sperm donors or the in’s & out’s of IVF. And then I fell in love.

He was funny & smart, caring & compassionate and we spent almost 3 years together. I got sick and he was by my side throughout it all but over time it was clear that we weren’t quite right for each other and wanted different things. After a year full of highs and lows I sat down and really thought about what I wanted in life. I didn’t want to put off happiness now for the possibility of happiness in the future. I decided I wanted to be a mum, plain and simple, and I didn’t have the luxury of time anymore to find ‘the one’. So I sat down with my team of doctors and gave them a 6mth deadline for me to come off my medications for arthritis and akathisia. It was a huge ask, something they weren’t sure I would be able to do, but were fully supportive of my plan. I worked really hard on my mental health and managing my pain & akathisia without medication, I lost 25kg, and I practiced mindfulness. I started the process with my fertility specialist of having tests done, completing my counselling sessions to be able to use donor sperm and I moved to be closer to my family.

Did I have doubts along the way? I sure did. I ended up at my GP’s office in tears once questioning whether I would be a good enough mum. My doctor (who is a dad himself) reassured me I would be a great mum and reminded me that most parents don’t think about all the small details I was questioning about this journey and my future child’s life. I almost gave up even trying at one stage because finding the right donor seemed near impossible, but when I found him everything fell into place and felt right for the first time in a long time. I’m only at the beginning of my journey, hopefully starting my first stimulation cycle next month and it may take a really long time for me to become a mum but I know I want to give it my best shot.